In my last post, titled Depleted, I wrote about how a cycle of fatigue and negative thinking drains my energy. Fatigue leads to a bleak outlook, which makes me tense and keeps me awake at night, leading to more fatigue that amplifies my negative perceptions…and on it goes. I recommended seeking balance, taking a break, practicing self-care and avoiding stress-numbing behavior.
All are good ideas which I’ve been using, trying to practice what I preach. I took a break from the office over Thanksgiving, kept meal preparation as simple as possible, took walks and naps, went to church and had some wonderful conversations with people I love. Some of my energy has been restored. Now it’s Monday after Thanksgiving, I’m returning to work with a bit more energy and a helpful new insight on my negative thinking.
These days are challenging for me. Faced with adversity and unknowable outcomes I wonder if things will work out well. I used to feel this way when I was caring for my parents. Sincerely trying to do my best over long months and years, I begin to question my strength and stamina to go the distance. The more tired I get the clearer and more convincing the voice of doubt becomes. In my fatigue I begin to believe: I can’t overcome this adversity. Things won’t work out well. I’m not capable of persevering.
But this weekend I decided I could better handle these thoughts if I envision them as comments from someone speaking to me. The voice of self-doubt is just Tired talking to me. Tired is a worn-out old woman, bent low from overwork and inadequate rest. She’s part of me who recedes when I’m rested and is prominent when I’m not. Tired’s voice is loud, convincing and unrelenting. I lose perspective and am sucked down into negativity as she drowns out the voices of Optimism and Calm.
This weekend I discovered that all three of these voices live within me. Giving Tired, Optimism and Calm separate personas is empowering; I can mentally line them up, listen for each voice and choose who I believe. Being loudest doesn’t make Tired’s words the truest or most helpful. Especially when my energy’s spent, I need to turn down the volume on Tired.
A weekend filled with self-care helped me hear the much quieter voice of Calm, saying: Down-time will restore energy. Quiet will ease tension. Naps and several good nights’ sleep will make me feel better. Then I heard the very powerful, yet quietest voice of Optimism reminding me that I’ve overcome adversity in the past. She suggested that I take one day at a time; that I let go and trust God. I have many blessings; more will come to me. I’m capable and will find ways to solve my problems.
My friend, Sharline, recently suggested how to silence Tired’s talking. Assertively look her straight in the eye. With a firm, matter-of-fact tone say, “Stop that. It’s just not helpful, honey!” Then listen for, and respond to the still, small voices of Calm and Optimism.
So, how about you? Are you hearing the voices of Calm and Optimism, or have they been drown out by Tired talking? Quiet her insistent voice; it’s just not helpful. When journeying through challenging times, as caregiving often is, the voices of Calm and Optimism will help preserve your health, well-being and capacity to care.
Until next time, take good care of yourself…Jane
Written by Jane Meier Hamilton
Jane Meier Hamilton MSN, RN, a nurse for 35 years and family caregiver for 20 years, founded Partners on the Path to help professional and family caregivers preserve their health, well-being and capacity to care. Read her book, The Caregiver’s Guide to Self-Care: Help for Your Caregiving Journey to learn sensible, effective ways to cope with your caregiver stress.
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